Stronger

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger….

As a rule, I have come to despise clichés.  Mostly I have found that people say these things when they are at a loss of words as an attempt to fill the awkward silence.  Rarely…in fact, NEVER, have I found those words helpful or comforting.  A local Christian radio station here runs a campaign over the holidays using the words, “I choose joy.”  They use James 1:2 as their reference, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of various kind”, and although far from a cliché it began to grate on my nerves by the end of the season.  I think it was the sing-song attitude or perhaps because what was implied referred to the hectic stress of the holidays and seems so very trivial compared to all that I have been through. 

Besides the painfully obvious hardship of losing Jake, I really have had my fair share of hard experiences throughout my life.  A laundry list of things gone wrong, complications and loss.  I know I am not alone.  In fact tonight alone I have spoken with 3 friends going through their own “trails of various kind.”  One echoed sentiment I have thought numerous times, “I’m just so tired of everything being so hard! Couldn’t one thing just be easy?”  As a type another friend’s text asked, “Why does this have to be so hard?”   I don’t know… I too struggle to ease the awkwardness of the silence that follows those words… there is no easy reply and no words to bring relief.  In her case and mine the struggle is far from over.

I don’t know why but what I do know is that everything that has happened, all the wrong turns, complications and loss has made me who I am today.  And I like who I have become.  I am stronger than I was and I have many experiences to draw from to help other people facing their own struggles.  So the old cliché seems true and is authenticated by James when he says “Count it all joy…because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” 

 I remember thinking back when my kids were babies that all the little random complications that happened to me throughout my pregnancies, births and breastfeeding were going to help me be a better nurse and at very least they did provide me some good experience and stories to share when I taught Lamaze classes.  I joked with one of my friends tonight, well at least we will have some good stories to tell when we are old.  As much as I joke, I know that at least in part that is the answer to the why…

Several years ago one of my dearest and closest friends made a comment that cut me to my core.  Her words hurt me deeply and despite a swift and sincere apology, I feared our friendship would never have the depth it had before.  I was right.  Our friendship now has fathomably more depth than I could ever thought possible.  She and I weathered that storm only to emerge stronger and more resilient, which not only positioned us to endure the coming hurricanes life would hurl at us, but also stand as a reminder that pain does not kill.  I could have easily let the pain of her words end our friendship forever but instead that experience has given our friendship a depth that has provided for both of us an anchor to weather the storms. She is my most precious friend.  I could not at the time count that wound as joy, but I do recognize the perseverance and joy it has produced.

James finishes that thought off with a promise.  “Blessed is the one who persevered under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”

I have no idea why life seems to be so hard sometimes.  I don’t have any good answer to the troubles my friends are currently encountering.  I do know that even in the darkest moments of my life when I feel completely and totally broken I still have HOPE.  Sometimes it feels barely recognizable but it’s always there…

…we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And Hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit… (Romans 5)

And cliché aside…stronger.