Dear Jake

Dear Jake,

Well I did it! I signed up, waited 4 hours in the longest line I've ever seen and auditioned for The Voice. You know probably more than any of your brothers how much I love to sing. The bass amp and drums had you tapping your toes before you were even born. I rocked you and sang for hours every night, not to mention our daily dance and sing hour before dinner time. No wonder you loved music and theatre so much, you were bound to either love it or hate it I suppose.  Nate talked me into it, but I did it for you. Not that I didn't want to do it for myself, but it's an old dream for me. Your dream was to go to New York as soon as possible and earn your place.  I did it for you. Inspired by you. You had finally come to accept yourself for who you were and you were not afraid to put yourself out there. If you were afraid of failure or rejection, you didn't show it, even when I knew better.  That's one of the things that makes me so proud to be your mom!  You really LIVED. You were passionate about your friends, your acting, and perusing your dreams, not so much your grades or homework, but hey!  

I made friends in the line, just like you would have. We passed the time with our stories and discussed song selections and which coach we would choose if we could have our pick. I thought of you a lot and smiled a lot and I think you were there smiling too. I sang my heart out and nailed it in every way! I didn't even mind not advancing to call back. It wasn't really about that anyway... I did it for you, because I could and because I wanted to and because...well...why the heck not!!! 

Since you left I've done a lot!! I went indoor skydiving, I went to DC and sang with Ms. Fennel at one of the monuments, I went to Vegas and went sight-seeing and took some awesome pictures. We sat up close at the rodeo and saw Blake Shelton.  I changed jobs and stopped working night shifts forever.   We took Anna- Kate to New York with us and crammed as much in as we could, we saw 2 plays while we were there, we retraced our steps from our trip the year before and went to the Village  on the day the Supreme Court made a huge announcement with my friend Thomas. We had the biggest birthday party imaginable for you and even marched in the 4th of July parade.  We did a lot of ordinary things too like football games, plays and band concerts.  I got season tickets to TUTS in your honor and we took Hannah Bell with us to the first show of the season- Matilda.   Zach, Ray and I ran a 5K on Thanksgiving.  We went to Chicago and Milwaukee for Christmas we played games and hung out with family, even went to a hockey game!  Through all of it we took selfies, acted goofy and had  a lot of fun!  I know you were with us every step of the way too, because I know we all carry you with us, just like you carry us with you. It's not at all how I want it to be, but it's what we have and I'll take it. I miss you! I can't wait to see you again and hear all about what you are getting to do there.  It's ridiculously hard not having you here, but I promise to keep living until all my work here is done.

Hey bud, if you have any ideas on what we should do on the 29th, let me know. Zach and I are at a loss, nothing feels especially right.  He's not really the party planner like you are, so any help is appreciated! I love you!!

-Mom