So long 2016!

Well 2016 has come and gone.  January has hit with full force, as the two-year anniversary quickly approaches.  New Year’s Eve was the most difficult again, remembering a great evening with friends, spicy- beyond -belief enchiladas, campfire and parties.  It should come as no surprise how quickly the year rolled by, every year does, but as I look back on 2016 I am relieved that it’s over!  2016 was year 2 missing Jake and it sucked.  2015 was by no means better, but the fog of grief, being surrounded by friends and having been able to take time to grieve gave us the opportunity to make some really wonderful memories together.  2015 was a year of firsts but also a whole year packed full with love, friendship, and trips of remembrance.  As 2015 came to an end we were hit with another personal storm, the first anniversary and the realization that life was forcing us to move on.

2016 was not light or easy.  There were no big vacations to break up the routine and the second year without him so much harder.   2016 began with facing the reality of his death and followed quickly with, draining our savings account with lawyer and court cost to deal with the “storm”, drastic change in the rhythm and flow of weekends and schedules, and an injury leaving Zach with concussion headaches that have carried over to 2017.   Not to mention a job change, loss of friendships, starting and quitting Grad school in the same week, and yet another storm- forever changing the weekend schedule.  Thank God for dinner invitations, backyard gatherings, timely phone calls, and church beach retreats that gave sweet respite and relief throughout the year!!!!!  But seriously, SO LONG 2016!

I started this year with the listing of goals and writing out my life’s anthem, hoping that would put a fresh start to 2017.  It’s difficult to start a new year with the anniversary of Jake’s death, but as I sit and reflect on that more and more it feels right and appropriate. Genesis tells us that in the beginning darkness covered the earth and then there was light.  There was evening and then there was morning.  The cold, dark days of winter give way to spring.  So then beginning our year remembering his death is not only just part of our reality, but also a natural order to things.   There is not a day goes by that I don’t think about Jake or miss him, I wouldn’t want it any other way.  To not think about him would be forgetting and that is just not acceptable.  Beginning 2017 with his remembrance is good…hard, but good. 

I have no idea what 2017 will throw our way.  I really hope it includes a vacation or two!!! No matter what I know that we will be okay, spring is coming…

I’ll end with what I have decided to call my life’s anthem.   The words that despite my circumstances at any given moment might guide my thought as I navigate this life missing Jake…

My soul glorifies the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God my Saviour. I delight greatly in the Lord and my soul rejoices in my God, for He has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness; a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.