Life Gift

Not long after arriving to Texas Children's Hospital one of the doctors came out to talk to us. The news was not good, his blood pressure was not stable, he was in shock, and his pupils were fixed and dilated. She said she was very concerned and could not give us any assurances. I knew the look and I understood, my baby was not going to be okay.  They took him down for an emergency CT scan and took a couple of hours to stabilize him and place the nessasary IV lines.  The wait was agonizing. When we finally were called back to see him, the news was not good.  The bacteria causing his meningitis is an aggressive, pus producing bacteria, that causes rapid and massive swelling.  The capacity of the skull is limited and the amount of swelling present had caused Jake's brain to herniated. Which meant that his skull was too small and his brain had begun to press out and down the natural opening at the base of the skull.  There was no way, at that point to relieve the pressure and worse it was likely that his brain would swell further before the antibiotics he was receiving would make any difference.

I knew what the answer was before I asked, but I asked anyway. "Is there any chance that I would ever get my Jake back?"  "No."

His dad and I exchanged glances and agreed that Jake would not want to stay if he was not able to do everything he was able to do before.  We made the desicion to let Jake go.  More testing would be done to determine if he had any brain function left, but I knew in my heart Jake was already walking with Jesus.

Nurse mode took over and I asked about Life Gift.  As a labor and delivery nurse I have several times contacted them, but none of my patients have ever been a candidate for organ donation.  I am a registered organ donor and I know what an impact that can be, but honestly at that point it was just a checkpoint on my list of nurse end of life procedures.  

We did not hear again about or from Life Gift until very late Wednesday night, well after we had determined that Jake was in fact brain dead.  By that time I had been awake for close to 24 hours, after only a few hours sleep Tuesday morning, having worked night shift Monday night.  To say I was tired and emotional would have been a huge understatement. 

I really did not understand prior to this experience with Jake, what a sacrifice organ donation is for the donor's family.  It is not as simple as saying okay.  There is lab work and many, many hours of evaluation that goes into the process.  Due to his illness, Jake was not a candidate for tissue donation, but he was eligible for full organ donation. The process, however would take at minimum 18 hours but up to 3 days. The sacrifice was more than I could bear.  We knew already at that point that Jake was brain dead, but the official test could not take place until he had been admitted for 24 hours, so the whole process for Life Gift could not even begin until 7 am Thursday morning. Sitting there holding Jake's hand, knowing he was gone, but still physically alive was heart-wrenching.  I could not  even fathom going through that agony for another 30 hours, let alone 3 more days.  

The Life Gift representative stepped out and my dear friend Stephanie talked with her further. I was given 20 minutes to sit with Jake before family and friends insisted that I take a nap.

I slept for about 3 hours and when I woke up, our friend Aaron came and explained that we had another option. It was possible for Jake to save up to three lives with his path and requires much less time, approximately 8 hours.  I felt that I had the strength to endure and we made the decision to proceed which that option.  Jake's liver and both kidneys would be taken allowing three others to live.

The process was not easy and to be very honest the time was excruciating.  After we left the hospital, I told my mom that although I am an organ donor, I leave that decision up to the family surrounding me at that time.  It was a tremendous sacrifice.

As I write this, about 6 weeks later, I would have made the same choice.  I am thankful for the time I had with Jake and I am sure God will, in His time, allow me to see the blessing and impact of our sacrifice and Jake's gift.