The Story

On Thursday, January 29, 2015 my oldest son, Jacob, died of bacterial meningitis. He had been a healthy kid previously with nothing but  the occasional cold or ear infection.  The type of bacteria that caused his meningitis was not the contagious form, neither was it as a result of any missing vaccines. He was up to date on his shot record in perfect health prior to becoming ill.

On Saturday the week before he died, Jake complained of an ear ache. He just wasn't feeling well and spent the morning watching TV and laying around on the couch. Sunday he still didn't feel great but was well enough for church and a trip with friends downtown to a museum. Monday morning he woke up and his ear felt better, but he was feeling sick to his stomach and vomited a couple times. I didn't think much of it as it was flu season and a bug had been going around.  Most of Monday was spent sleeping with his head propped on the arm of the couch  and sipping Sprite.  Tuesday was much of the same and when, that afternoon he started to complain of a stiff neck, I was not surprised because of the way he had been sleeping. Late Tuesday night he complained of a bad headache, stiff-neck and the vomiting remained. We talked about going to the doctor in the morning if he didn't feel better by then. About midnight, Jake woke me up and said the pain was very bad and he didn't think he could wait. Ever the nurse, I had him take a shower and lay down with me to rub his back in an effort to avoid the midnight run to the ER.  It didn't take long to realize that was unavoidable and I got up to take him. I quickly got dressed and instructed him to do likewise, ran upstairs to tell my 13 year old Zach where we were headed and called my mom to come over to stay with the boys. When I got back to Jake he had not gotten dressed and I asked him why. He seemed confused and didn't reply with much more than a mumble.  I had to help him get dressed, which was my first inkling that something more serious was happening.  Ithen sent him out to the car, while I grabbed a bag, but when I got  outside he didn't seem to know how to get in the car.mi helped him into the car and headed the 5 minutes down the road to Kingwood Hospital.

By the time we arrived, he had deteriorated to the point of not being able to tell me who he was or where we were.  He was also having a harder and harder time walking.  He had an altered gait and was very unsteady on his feet.  The triage nurse looked at us and I pleaded with her to please get us back as fast as possible. It was the first time that I allowed myself to speak what I feared this was, "please, I think it's meningitis and I waited too long."  We had to wait less than 5 minutes and they had us back and in a stretcher as fast as they could possibly get us there. IVs were started, labs drawn and a CT scan all done in record time. They were all amazing. Jake had become combative and uncooperative so they requested to sedate and intubate him in order to do the lumbar puncture to confirm meningitis. Astonishingly the CT scan came back relatively clear, but the spinal tap confirmed meningitis. We had to wait a little more than an hour to confirm  what type of meningitis, but it was clear that he needed a pediatric ICU and needed to be transferred downtown.  So while we waited for the exact diagnoses, Texas Children's transport team was notified and began to make their way to pick up Jake.

Shortly before the transport team arrived, the preliminary results come back that it was  strep pneumo bacterial meningitis. The nurses stated that it was good, because it was the non-contagious form. What I didn't know at the time was that it was very bad for Jake because it is an extremely invasive, pus-producing bacteria that multiples extremely fast.

We loaded the ambulance just before 6 am and headed to Texas Children's Hosptial PICU. When we arrived, about 40 minutes later, he wasn't looking good. They took him to his room and ushered me to the waiting room.  About an hour later a doctor came out and gave us the horrible news that is wasn't looking good. He was in shock. His eyes were fixed and dilated . She was very concerned. She looked at me with the look I have given patients before when I had something awful to say and didn't want to say it and said, " I understand you are a nurse."  "Yes," I replied weakly.  "Do you understand what I am saying to you." And all I could do was nod.  I knew.

Through it all, I want you to know, that I do see God's sovereign hand. I do not question my actions or ponder the what ifs. There was not a single thing that I could have done that would have changed the outcome. I do not blame God, because while He knew it would happen, He didn't cause it. That is one of the great mysteries that we will just not understand this side of heaven.  Jake was healthy and full of life and the chances of this particular bacteria to make the leap from the nose to the ear and into the brain was as likely to happen to him as him being struck by lightening, but it did. I do not blame God. He never promised me a life without trouble, but He did promise to never leave me alone.  God,  who did not spare his own son, but gave him as an offering to cover my sin, understands better than anyone what it is to lose a son. I feel His love and peace constantly surrounding me and He is filling my treasure box with story after story of His grace, mercy and faithfulness, even in the midst of this awfulness.